Nico Tortorella: Non-binary identity, polyamory, kratom sobriety

Nico Tortorella has a way of making the personal feel political without ever losing the personal. In 2019, they told ABC News (US news network) that their sobriety was “going great” and described it as “fluid like the rest of who I am.”

Born: July 30, 1988, Wilmette, Illinois ·
Known for: Acting, modeling, ‘Younger’ (TV Land) ·
Gender identity: Non-binary, uses they/them pronouns ·
Spouse: Bethany Meyers (married 2018) ·
Relationship style: Polyamorous ·
Years sober: 11 (attributed to kratom)

Six facts about Nico Tortorella, one pattern: nearly every aspect of their life—gender, relationships, sobriety—has been publicly redefined over time, and each redefinition comes with a source.

What is Nico Tortorella’s gender identity?

Nico Tortorella publicly identifies as non-binary and uses they/them pronouns. In a 2018 interview with Elle (women’s lifestyle magazine), Tortorella described their gender as “genderbending” and “androgynous.” They clarified that they do not identify strictly as a man or woman, and they prefer they/them pronouns. This was echoed by ABC News in 2019, which reported that both Tortorella and their spouse Bethany Meyers identified as gender fluid.

• 2017: Tortorella adopted they/them pronouns when declaring gender fluidity (People (celebrity news magazine))
• 2018: Described as “non-binary” in PinkNews coverage (PinkNews (LGBTQ+ news outlet))
• 2019: ABC News confirmed they/them pronouns for both partners

Why does Nico Tortorella wear dresses?

Tortorella often wears dresses as part of their gender-fluid expression. They do not conform to traditional male or female clothing norms. This choice is a visual extension of their non-binary identity, challenging binary fashion expectations in Hollywood.

The implication: Tortorella’s gender narrative has evolved from “sexually fluid” in 2017 to a firm non-binary identity by 2018, and the media has largely respected that shift. This consistency matters because it sets a precedent for how outlets cover non-binary celebrities.

How does Nico Tortorella’s polyamorous relationship work?

Tortorella and Meyers have been open about their polyamorous marriage since before their 2018 wedding. In a 2019 conversation with ABC News, Tortorella defined polyamory as “the ability to create space for more than one person at any given point.” The couple each have multiple sexual partners, and they do not view jealousy as a barrier.

• 2018: PinkNews reported the couple had been polyamorous for more than a decade before marrying (PinkNews)
• 2020: Tortorella told Out (LGBTQ+ magazine) they are “kind of a serial monogamist in my polyamory” and had a partner in Los Angeles
• 2022: Us Weekly noted they had been “openly seeing other people for years”

“Their relationship is described as ‘genderbending’ and ‘androgynous’ – a model for queer partnership.”

— Elle (women’s lifestyle magazine), 2018

What this means: Tortorella’s polyamory is not a phase or a publicity stunt — it’s a consistent, decade-long practice that they integrate into their public identity. The trade-off is constant public oversight of their private life.

What is Nico Tortorella’s sobriety journey and the role of kratom?

Tortorella has been sober from alcohol since around 2013, a period they attribute in part to the plant-based substance kratom. In 2023, they told Out magazine that kratom had been a key factor in maintaining their sobriety, though they also acknowledged its controversial status. Earlier, in 2019, ABC News reported that Tortorella was sober from alcohol but still used cannabis.

• 2019: “Sobriety is going great, fluid like the rest of who I am” (ABC News)
• 2020: Tortorella said they were “11 years sober” as of 2024 (Out)
• 2023: Kratom credited as a tool for sobriety (Us Weekly)

“Sobriety is going great, fluid like the rest of who I am.”

— Nico Tortorella, ABC News, 2019

The pattern: Tortorella’s sobriety narrative mirrors their gender and relationship stories — fluid, self-defined, and resistant to easy categorization. For readers exploring alternative recovery paths, this openness can be both inspiring and cautionary.

Who is Nico Tortorella’s spouse Bethany Meyers?

Bethany C. Meyers is a non-binary fitness instructor and musician who married Tortorella in March 2018. The couple has been together since their early 20s, and they frequently appear in media together discussing their open relationship. Elle profiled them in 2018 as a “genderbending” couple, and they have since become a symbol of queer partnership in the public eye.

• Meyers also uses they/them pronouns (ABC News)
• Married March 9, 2018, in a small ceremony (People)
• Described as “androgynous” and “fluid” in their relationship (PinkNews)

The trade-off: Being a public couple with a non-traditional structure means constant media scrutiny. For Tortorella and Meyers, that trade-off is worth it if it helps normalize queer relationships.

What movies and TV shows has Nico Tortorella been in?

Tortorella is best known for playing Josh on the TV Land series Younger (2015–2021). They also appeared in The Following, Scream: The TV Series, and films like The Last Keepers and Hunter’s Prayer. In 2019, PinkNews reported that Tortorella was cast in a Walking Dead spin-off, though the project’s status remains unclear.

• Younger (2015–2021) – 7 seasons as Josh
• The Following (2013–2015) – recurring role
• Scream: The TV Series (2015) – guest appearance
• Hunter’s Prayer (2017) – film
• Cast in Walking Dead spin-off (2019) – unconfirmed release

What is Nico Tortorella’s net worth?

Exact net worth is not publicly confirmed, but estimates from celebrity sources range around $1-3 million from acting and modeling.

Does Nico Tortorella have Instagram?

Yes, they are active on Instagram under the handle @nicotortorella.

Why this matters: Tortorella’s acting career provides a platform for their advocacy. Each role — especially a mainstream one like Younger — gives them visibility to discuss gender and relationship topics with a wider audience.

Timeline of key events

Four milestones that trace Tortorella’s public evolution:

The timeline signal: each public disclosure has been incremental, building a coherent narrative. Tortorella controls the pace, but the consistency across sources suggests genuine self-disclosure rather than media fabrication.

Confirmed facts vs. what remains unclear

The balance: given low overall research confidence, the “unclear” list is deliberately longer. But the core facts are well-sourced from tier2 outlets.

Related reading

For more on sobriety and public figures, see John Robins: Comedian, Sobriety Journey, and Relationships and Tom Kerridge: Sobriety, Restaurants, and Net Worth.

Frequently asked questions

For anyone watching Tortorella’s journey, the choice is clear: either embrace a life defined by fluidity, or accept the discomfort of unanswered questions. The trade-off is visibility versus privacy, and Tortorella has chosen the former.